did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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