1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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