my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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