I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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