tell your sister to shave her snatch
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
