Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
