My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
