Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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