very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
