i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
