My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
