the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
