she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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