dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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