I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
