All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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