Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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