i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
His nipple licking is glorious
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