I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
