Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
