thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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