did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
