he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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