I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Acid is not a monday night drug
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
