woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
