Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
