Whod you bang
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
