i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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