the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
