I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Randomize
