I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
