I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
