She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
