I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
