I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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