do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
