12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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