He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
