I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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