Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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