so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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