i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
