Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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