that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
