the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
