i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Enjoy the penises
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
