You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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