anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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