I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You had me at "let me see your balls"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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