Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
