your room smells of hookers.
And success
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
