I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
