i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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