yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
