Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
