we should wear snuggies to the strip club
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
