how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
