Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
