Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
