Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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