we're chasing vodka with high fives
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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