I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
