It's Friday. Sex?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
