Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
